I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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