Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
