i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
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