dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
