Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
