i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
