The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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