whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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