You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
