you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You are the jesus of drinking
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
