How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
