Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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