not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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