Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
