i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize