Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
