You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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