Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
