Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize