i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize