it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
