just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I lost the right to judge tonight
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
