Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
