i already hear my dad disowning me
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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