you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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