Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
