Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize