You don't have asthma, your pregnant
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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