$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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