I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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