WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
