I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Randomize
