i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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