i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
