My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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