I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
