your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
