u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
