Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
