At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
