Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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