idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
