I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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