8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
