I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
