Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
