I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
