You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There r osticjed everywhere
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize