Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
