respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
