I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
