i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
