How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
