Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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