I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
