either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize