Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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