Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
