drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
