She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
