The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
