I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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