By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
