just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
