So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
