Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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