The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
