why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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