sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
