So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
