I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
