I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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