somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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