it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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