Don't you send me to vm
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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