hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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