I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
